Memorial Day Jokes

Memorial Day Jokes

Q: How do you get rid of Germans fascists? 

A: Von by von. 

Q: What do French recruits learn in basic training? 

A: How to surrender in 17 different languages. 

Q: How does the recipe for German chocolate cake begin? 

A: First, invade ze kitchen. 

Q: What kind of tea did the American colonists want? 

A: Liberty. 

Q: How do you start the Memorial Day parade in the ghetto? 

A: Roll a 40 down the street! 

Q: What do you call a Blind German? 

A: a Not see 

Q: What do you call a building full of Taliban? 

A: Jail 

Q: What's the difference between Mike Tyson and Osama Bin Laden? 

A: Mike Tyson can take a shot to the head. 

Q: What do an apple and Benito Mussolini have in common? 

A: They both belong hanging in trees. 

Q: How do Germans tie their shoes? 

A: With little knotsies 

Q: What did Osama Bin Laden's ghost say to Mitt Romney? 

A: "Don't be sad, Obama's foreign policy killed me too" 

See more: Funny kid jokes

Deer Jokes

Deer Jokes

Q: How do you save a deer during hunting season? 

A: You hang on for deer life. 

Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes? 

A: I have no I-Deer 

Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs? 

A: Still no eye-deer. 

Q: What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs, and no balls? 

A: Still no fucking eye-deer. 

Q: What did the doe say to the 24 point buck? 

A: Boy your Horny! 

Q: What do you get when you cross Bambi with a ghost? 

A: Bamboo. 

Q: Why did the hunter miss his mark? 

A: He was not aiming deerectly for it. 

Q: What do you call four female deer? 

A: FO REAL DOE 

Q: Who did Bambi invite to his birthday party? 

A: His nearest and deer-est friends. 

Q: What's the difference between a deer nut and a beer nut? 

A: One is a dollar fifty and the other is just under a buck. 

Q: What do deers call hunters? 

A: Doe foes. 

Q: What is the defination of a non-typical Whitetail? 

A: One that stays off the Highway! 

Q: Whats the cheapist kind of meat? 

A: Deer balls there under a buck! 

See more: Hilarious short jokes

Donkey Jokes Funny

Donkey Jokes

Q: What did the donkey do when he got cut-off? 

A: "Hee-Haw"nked. 

Q: What happens when you buy a mini-donkey 

A: Your getting a little ass! 

Q: What do you call a donkey throwing nuts to the moon? 

A: An ass throw nut (astronaut). 

Q: What do donkeys send out near Christmas? 

A: Mule-tide greetings. 

Q: How do you compliment a donkey? 

A: "Hey, nice ass!" 

Q: What do you get cross an optimetrist convention and a donkey auction? 

A: Two eyegl-asses for the price of one. 

Q: What do you get when cross a donkey and an onion? 

A: a piece of ass that'll bring a tear to your eye! 

Q: What do you call a donkey that was born with a brain injury? 

A: A dumb ass!!! 

Q: What do you call a donkey with one leg ? 

A: A wonkey donkey 

Q: What do you call a donkey that keeps time? 

A: Hourgl-ass. 

Q: Did you hear about the hobo who thought he was a donkey? 

A: His friends called him underp-ass. 

Q: What do you call a donkey with a PHD? 

A: A smart ass. 

Q: What do you call ad donkey with a banjo? 

A: Bluegr-ass 

Q: What do you call a donkey with one leg and a bad eye ? 

A: A winkey wonkey donkey 

Q: What do you call a donkey with one leg and one eye while breaking wind ? 

A: A stinkey winkey wonkey donkey 

Q: What do you call a donkey with a drinking problem? 

A: A winegl-ass. 

Q: What do you call a donkey with built-in GPS? 

A: Comp-ass. 

Q: What do you call a Donkey that can go 0-40 in 3.4 seconds? 

A: Fibergl-ass 

Q: Did you hear about the donkey that was afraid to speak up for herself? 

A: She was a candy-ass. 

Q: What do you get when a donkey eats a porcupine? 

A: A pain in the ass. 

See more: Very funny jokes

Sunderland Football Club Jokes Funny

Sunderland Football Club Jokes

Q: How many Black Cats supporters does it take to stop a moving Bus? 

A: Never enough. 

Q: What's the difference between Dick Advocaat and God? 

A: God doesn't think he's Dick Advocaat. 

Q: What do you call Sunderland winning the Premier League? 

A: A CAT-HAS-TROPHY! 

Q: What do you call a Black Cats fan with no arms and legs? 

A: Trustworthy. 

Q: What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead Sunderland fan? 

A: Skid marks in front of the dog.

Q: What's the difference between a Sunderland fan and a Vibrator? 

A: A Black Cats fan is a real dick 

Q: Why can't you get a cup of tea at the Stadium of Light? 

A: All the mugs are on the field and all the cups are at Old Trafford. 

Q: Have you seen the movie about the Sunderland defense? 

A: It's called "Fifty Shades of O'Shea". 

Q: Did you hear that the British Post Office has just recalled their latest stamps? 

A: Well, they had photos of Sunderland players on them - folk couldn't figure out which side to spit on. 

Q: What has the Stadium of Light on a Saturday afternoon at 4.45pm got in common with Wormwood Scrubs Prison? 

A: They are both full of cockneys trying to get out. 

Q: How many Black Cats fans does it take to pave up a driveway? 

A: Depends how thin you slice them. 

Q: What did Sunderland fan say after they were relegated? 

A: You got to be kitten me. 

Q. What would you call a pregnant Sunderland fan? 

A: A dope carrier. 

Q. What do you call a Sunderland fan with half a brain? 

A: Gifted. 

See more: Short jokes for adults

Blonde Ransom Joke Funny

Blonde Ransom Joke Funny

A blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom. 

So she went to a playground, grabbed a kid, and took him behind a tree. 

"I've kidnapped you!", said the blonde and then proceeded to write a note saying, 

"I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and place it under the pecan tree next to the playground. Signed, A Blonde." 

The Blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show his parents.

The next morning the blonde checked under the tree and surely enough, a paper bag was sitting there. 

The Blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, 

"How could you do this to a fellow blonde?" 

See more: Blond jokes

Moon Jokes Funny

Moon Jokes Funny

Clean jokes for adults

Q: Why did the cow jump over the moon? 

A: Because the farmer had cold hands! 

Q: Did you hear about the bones they found on the moon? 

A: It seems like the cow did not make it. 

Q: What holds the moon up? 

A: Moonbeams. 

Q: How do you know when the moon is going broke? 

A: When it's down to its last quarter. 

Q: "Why does the Moon orbit the Earth?" 

A: "To get to the other side?" 

Q: What do you call a clock on the moon? 

A: A lunartick. 

Q: How does a man on a moon get his haircut? 

A: Eclipse it. 

Q: What do you get when you take green cheese and divide its circumferenceby its diameter? 

A: Moon pi. 

Q: How does one astronaut on the moon tell another astronaut that he is sorry? 

A: He Apollo-gises. 

Q: What was the name of the first satellite to orbit the Earth? 

A: The moon. 

Q: What does Michael Jackson have in common with the NASA? 

A: It's been decades since their first moon walk. 

Q: What do moon peolple do when they get married? 

A: They go off on their honeyearth! 

Q: Why wasn't the moon hungry? 

A: Because it was full! 

Deputy Blonde Joke Funny

Deputy Blonde Joke Funny

Blonde Jokes

The local Sheriff was looking for a new deputy. 

When a blonde walks in to try for the job, he asks her "Okay, what is 1 and 1?" "Eleven", she replies. 

The Sheriff thinks to himself, "Thats not what I wanted, but I guess she's right!" 

"What two days of the week begin with the letter T?" he asks. 

"Today and Tomorrow", the blonde answers. 

The Sheriff is again surprised that the blonde has supplied a correct answer that had not even occurred to him. 

"Now listen carefully, who killed Abe Lincoln?" he asks her. 

The blonde looks a little surprised. She thinks really hard for a minute and finally admits, "I don't know." 

"Well, why don't you go home and work on that one for a while?" 

So, the blonde wanders over to the beauty parlor, where her pals are waiting to hear the results of the interview. 

The blonde was exultant. "The interview went great!" she says. 

"First day on the job and I'm already working on a murder case!"