New Years Eve Short Jokes

New Years Eve Short Jokes

Hilarious jokes

What do you tell someone you didn't see at New Year's Eve? 

I haven't seen you for a year! 

What happened to the Irish man who thought about the evils of drinking in the New Year? 

He gave up thinking. 

What's the problem with jogging on New Years Eve? 

The ice falls out of your drinks! 

What do you call always wanting a date for New Year's Eve? 

Social Security New Years Eve forecast: Mostly drunk with a slight chance of passing out. 

What happens every year when the Time Square Ball drops? 

Justin Bieber gets jealous 

Knock Knock! 

Whos there? 

Mary and Abby! 

Mary and Abby who? 

Mary christmas and a Abby new year. 

A WRINKLE IN TIME

A little girl got on her grandpa's lap and said, "Did God make me?"
"Yes," the grandpa replied.
"Did God make you too?"
"Yes," the grandpa said.
"Well," the little girl said, looking at his wrinkles and thinning hair. "He sure is doing a better job nowadays!"

Really Funny Marijuana Jokes

Really Funny Marijuana Jokes 

Jokes for adults

Q: What is a stoners idea of a balanced diet? 

A: A joint in each hand! 

Q: What do you call Harrison Ford when he smokes weed? 

A: Han So-high 

Q: Why don't you see any pot heads in elementary school? 

A: Because they're all in HIGH school 

Q: What do you call an apple pie getting high in Mcdonalds? 

A: A baked apple pie. 

Q: What did the stoners girlfriend say? 

A: If I can't marry a dude, i'll Mary Jane 

Q: What do you call money that grows on trees? 

A: Marijuana 

Q: What do get when you soak a spliff in Vodka? 

A: The Holy Spirit! 

Q: What do you call a potato that smokes weed? 

A: A baked potato. 

Q: What is the difference between a drunk and a stoner at a stop sign?  

A: The drunk guy runs it and the stoner waits for it to turn green! 

Q: What do you call a stoner when horny? 

A: A weed wacker! 

Q: What do you call a bunch of mexican stoners? 

A: Baked Beans. 

Q: How do you get a one-armed stoner out of a tree? 

A: Wave. 

Q: What did the frog say after lighting up? 

A: Don't Worry be Hoppy? 

Q: What do you get when you eat marijuana ? 

A: A pot belly 

Q: What do you call a stoner spilling his weed on the floor? 

A: Drug Abuse. 

Funniest Dirty Short Jokes Ever Told

Funniest Dirty Short Jokes Ever Told 

Dirty jokes short

Q: How do you kill a retard? 

A: Give him a knife and say "Who's special?" 

Q: What does a gangbanger have in common with a soda machine? 

A: They both don't work and always take your money. 

Q: Why are there only two pallbearers at a homeless guys funeral? 

A: There are only two handles on a garbage can. 

Q: How do they say "fuck you" in Los Angeles? 

A: Trust me. 

Q: How do you get tickets to the Tampon 100?

 A: Pull some strings. 

Q: Why can't Jesus eat m&m's? 

A: Because he has holes in his hands. 

Q: Why Are crippled people always picked on? 

A: Because they can't stand up for themselves 

Q: Whats the hardest part about eating a vegetable? 

A: Putting her back in the wheelchair when your done... 

Q: What would happen if you cut off your left side? 

A: You would be all right. 

Q: What is Superman's greatest weakness? 

A: A bucking horse. 

Q: Why did Hitler commit suicide? 

A: He got the gas bill. 

Q: What is a crack head's favorite song? 

A: I wanna rock! 

Q: How do you get retards out of a tree? 

A: Wave to them! 

Q: What do you call a gangbanger behind bars? 

A: Anything you want. 

Q: Why did the boy fall off the swing? 

A: He didn't have any arms. 

Bird Jokes And Riddles For Kids

Bird Jokes And Riddles For Kids

Funny kid jokes

Q: What do you call a sick eagle? 

A: Illegal 

Q: What happens when ducks fly upside down? 

A: They quack up! 

Q: Why did the owl, owl? A: Because the woodpecker would peck 'er! 

Q: What does a farmer call an escaped bird? 

A: a loose goose. 

Q: What flies through the jungle singing opera? 

A: The parrots of Penzance! 

Q: What do you call a bird that kicks your butt? 

A: Steven Seagull. 

Q: What do you get if you cross a duck with a firework? 

A: A firequaker!

 Q: What is a parrot's favorite game? 

A: Hide and Speak! 

Q: What books did the owl like? 

A: Hoot-dunits! 

Q: What kind of bird doesn't need a comb? 

A: A bald eagle. 

Q: Where does bird royalty live? 

A: Duckingham Palace. 

Q: What kind of bird can carry the most weight? 

A: The crane 

Q: What bird is helpful at dinner? 

A: A swallow! 

Q: Why did the parrot wear a raincoat? 

A: Because she wanted to be a Polly unsaturated! 

Q: What did the gamekeeper say to the lord of the manor? 

A: 'The pheasants are revolting'! 

Q: What is the definition of Robin? 

A: A bird who steals! 

Q: What do you give a sick bird? 

A: Tweetment! 

Q: What's another name for a clever duck? 

A: A wise quacker! 

Q: Which bird is always out of breath? 

A: A puffin! 

Q: What's got six legs and can fly long distances? 

A: Three swallows! 

Q: How many cans does it take to make a bird? 

A: Two cans. 

See more: Dumb blonde jokes