Really Funny Pictures: 2016

Thứ Tư, 28 tháng 12, 2016

Donkey Jokes Funny

Donkey Jokes

Q: What did the donkey do when he got cut-off?

A: "Hee-Haw"nked.

Q: What happens when you buy a mini-donkey

A: Your getting a little ass!

Q: What do you call a donkey throwing nuts to the moon?

A: An ass throw nut (astronaut).

Q: What do donkeys send out near Christmas?

A: Mule-tide greetings.

Q: How do you compliment a donkey?

A: "Hey, nice ass!"

Q: What do you get cross an optimetrist convention and a donkey auction?

A: Two eyegl-asses for the price of one.

Q: What do you get when cross a donkey and an onion?

A: a piece of ass that'll bring a tear to your eye!

Q: What do you call a donkey that was born with a brain injury?

A: A dumb ass!!!

Q: What do you call a donkey with one leg ?

A: A wonkey donkey

Q: What do you call a donkey that keeps time?

A: Hourgl-ass.

Q: Did you hear about the hobo who thought he was a donkey?

A: His friends called him underp-ass.

Q: What do you call a donkey with a PHD?

A: A smart ass.

Q: What do you call ad donkey with a banjo?

A: Bluegr-ass

Q: What do you call a donkey with one leg and a bad eye ?

A: A winkey wonkey donkey

Q: What do you call a donkey with one leg and one eye while breaking wind ?

A: A stinkey winkey wonkey donkey

Q: What do you call a donkey with a drinking problem?

A: A winegl-ass.

Q: What do you call a donkey with built-in GPS?

A: Comp-ass.

Q: What do you call a Donkey that can go 0-40 in 3.4 seconds?

A: Fibergl-ass

Q: Did you hear about the donkey that was afraid to speak up for herself?

A: She was a candy-ass.

Q: What do you get when a donkey eats a porcupine?

A: A pain in the ass.

See more: Very funny jokes

Thứ Năm, 22 tháng 12, 2016

Sunderland Football Club Jokes Funny

Sunderland Football Club Jokes

Q: How many Black Cats supporters does it take to stop a moving Bus?

A: Never enough.

Q: What's the difference between Dick Advocaat and God?

A: God doesn't think he's Dick Advocaat.

Q: What do you call Sunderland winning the Premier League?

A: A CAT-HAS-TROPHY!

Q: What do you call a Black Cats fan with no arms and legs?

A: Trustworthy.

Q: What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead Sunderland fan?

A: Skid marks in front of the dog.

Q: What's the difference between a Sunderland fan and a Vibrator?

A: A Black Cats fan is a real dick

Q: Why can't you get a cup of tea at the Stadium of Light?

A: All the mugs are on the field and all the cups are at Old Trafford.

Q: Have you seen the movie about the Sunderland defense?

A: It's called "Fifty Shades of O'Shea".

Q: Did you hear that the British Post Office has just recalled their latest stamps?

A: Well, they had photos of Sunderland players on them - folk couldn't figure out which side to spit on.

Q: What has the Stadium of Light on a Saturday afternoon at 4.45pm got in common with Wormwood Scrubs Prison?

A: They are both full of cockneys trying to get out.

Q: How many Black Cats fans does it take to pave up a driveway?

A: Depends how thin you slice them.

Q: What did Sunderland fan say after they were relegated?

A: You got to be kitten me.

Q. What would you call a pregnant Sunderland fan?

A: A dope carrier.

Q. What do you call a Sunderland fan with half a brain?

A: Gifted.

See more: Short jokes for adults

Thứ Tư, 14 tháng 12, 2016

Blonde Ransom Joke Funny

Blonde Ransom Joke Funny

A blonde was down on her luck. In order to raise money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.

So she went to a playground, grabbed a kid, and took him behind a tree.

"I've kidnapped you!", said the blonde and then proceeded to write a note saying,

"I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and place it under the pecan tree next to the playground. Signed, A Blonde."

The Blonde then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show his parents.

The next morning the blonde checked under the tree and surely enough, a paper bag was sitting there.

The Blonde opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said,

"How could you do this to a fellow blonde?"

See more: Blond jokes

Thứ Năm, 8 tháng 12, 2016

Moon Jokes Funny

Moon Jokes Funny

Clean jokes for adults

Q: Why did the cow jump over the moon?

A: Because the farmer had cold hands!

Q: Did you hear about the bones they found on the moon?

A: It seems like the cow did not make it.

Q: What holds the moon up?

A: Moonbeams.

Q: How do you know when the moon is going broke?

A: When it's down to its last quarter.

Q: "Why does the Moon orbit the Earth?"

A: "To get to the other side?"

Q: What do you call a clock on the moon?

A: A lunartick.

Q: How does a man on a moon get his haircut?

A: Eclipse it.

Q: What do you get when you take green cheese and divide its circumferenceby its diameter?

A: Moon pi.

Q: How does one astronaut on the moon tell another astronaut that he is sorry?

A: He Apollo-gises.

Q: What was the name of the first satellite to orbit the Earth?

A: The moon.

Q: What does Michael Jackson have in common with the NASA?

A: It's been decades since their first moon walk.

Q: What do moon peolple do when they get married?

A: They go off on their honeyearth!

Q: Why wasn't the moon hungry?

A: Because it was full!

Thứ Năm, 1 tháng 12, 2016

Deputy Blonde Joke Funny

Deputy Blonde Joke Funny

Blonde Jokes

The local Sheriff was looking for a new deputy.

When a blonde walks in to try for the job, he asks her "Okay, what is 1 and 1?" "Eleven", she replies.

The Sheriff thinks to himself, "Thats not what I wanted, but I guess she's right!"

"What two days of the week begin with the letter T?" he asks.

"Today and Tomorrow", the blonde answers.

The Sheriff is again surprised that the blonde has supplied a correct answer that had not even occurred to him.

"Now listen carefully, who killed Abe Lincoln?" he asks her.

The blonde looks a little surprised. She thinks really hard for a minute and finally admits, "I don't know."

"Well, why don't you go home and work on that one for a while?"

So, the blonde wanders over to the beauty parlor, where her pals are waiting to hear the results of the interview.

The blonde was exultant. "The interview went great!" she says.

"First day on the job and I'm already working on a murder case!"

Thứ Năm, 24 tháng 11, 2016

New Years Eve Short Jokes

New Years Eve Short Jokes

Hilarious jokes

What do you tell someone you didn't see at New Year's Eve?

I haven't seen you for a year!

What happened to the Irish man who thought about the evils of drinking in the New Year?

He gave up thinking.

What's the problem with jogging on New Years Eve?

The ice falls out of your drinks!

What do you call always wanting a date for New Year's Eve?

Social Security New Years Eve forecast: Mostly drunk with a slight chance of passing out.

What happens every year when the Time Square Ball drops?

Justin Bieber gets jealous

Knock Knock!

Whos there?

Mary and Abby!

Mary and Abby who?

Mary christmas and a Abby new year.

Thứ Hai, 21 tháng 11, 2016

A little girl got on her grandpa's lap and said, "Did God make me?"
"Yes," the grandpa replied.
"Did God make you too?"
"Yes," the grandpa said.
"Well," the little girl said, looking at his wrinkles and thinning hair. "He sure is doing a better job nowadays!"

Thứ Tư, 16 tháng 11, 2016

Really Funny Marijuana Jokes

Really Funny Marijuana Jokes

Jokes for adults

Q: What is a stoners idea of a balanced diet?

A: A joint in each hand!

Q: What do you call Harrison Ford when he smokes weed?

A: Han So-high

Q: Why don't you see any pot heads in elementary school?

A: Because they're all in HIGH school

Q: What do you call an apple pie getting high in Mcdonalds?

A: A baked apple pie.

Q: What did the stoners girlfriend say?

A: If I can't marry a dude, i'll Mary Jane

Q: What do you call money that grows on trees?

A: Marijuana

Q: What do get when you soak a spliff in Vodka?

A: The Holy Spirit!

Q: What do you call a potato that smokes weed?

A: A baked potato.

Q: What is the difference between a drunk and a stoner at a stop sign?

A: The drunk guy runs it and the stoner waits for it to turn green!

Q: What do you call a stoner when horny?

A: A weed wacker!

Q: What do you call a bunch of mexican stoners?

A: Baked Beans.

Q: How do you get a one-armed stoner out of a tree?

A: Wave.

Q: What did the frog say after lighting up?

A: Don't Worry be Hoppy?

Q: What do you get when you eat marijuana ?

A: A pot belly

Q: What do you call a stoner spilling his weed on the floor?

A: Drug Abuse.

Thứ Ba, 8 tháng 11, 2016

Funniest Dirty Short Jokes Ever Told

Funniest Dirty Short Jokes Ever Told

Dirty jokes short

Q: How do you kill a retard?

A: Give him a knife and say "Who's special?"

Q: What does a gangbanger have in common with a soda machine?

A: They both don't work and always take your money.

Q: Why are there only two pallbearers at a homeless guys funeral?

A: There are only two handles on a garbage can.

Q: How do they say "fuck you" in Los Angeles?

A: Trust me.

Q: How do you get tickets to the Tampon 100?

A: Pull some strings.

Q: Why can't Jesus eat m&m's?

A: Because he has holes in his hands.

Q: Why Are crippled people always picked on?

A: Because they can't stand up for themselves

Q: Whats the hardest part about eating a vegetable?

A: Putting her back in the wheelchair when your done...

Q: What would happen if you cut off your left side?

A: You would be all right.

Q: What is Superman's greatest weakness?

A: A bucking horse.

Q: Why did Hitler commit suicide?

A: He got the gas bill.

Q: What is a crack head's favorite song?

A: I wanna rock!

Q: How do you get retards out of a tree?

A: Wave to them!

Q: What do you call a gangbanger behind bars?

A: Anything you want.

Q: Why did the boy fall off the swing?

A: He didn't have any arms.

Thứ Năm, 3 tháng 11, 2016

Bird Jokes And Riddles For Kids

Bird Jokes And Riddles For Kids

Funny kid jokes

Q: What do you call a sick eagle?

A: Illegal

Q: What happens when ducks fly upside down?

A: They quack up!

Q: Why did the owl, owl? A: Because the woodpecker would peck 'er!

Q: What does a farmer call an escaped bird?

A: a loose goose.

Q: What flies through the jungle singing opera?

A: The parrots of Penzance!

Q: What do you call a bird that kicks your butt?

A: Steven Seagull.

Q: What do you get if you cross a duck with a firework?

A: A firequaker!

Q: What is a parrot's favorite game?

A: Hide and Speak!

Q: What books did the owl like?

A: Hoot-dunits!

Q: What kind of bird doesn't need a comb?

A: A bald eagle.

Q: Where does bird royalty live?

A: Duckingham Palace.

Q: What kind of bird can carry the most weight?

A: The crane

Q: What bird is helpful at dinner?

A: A swallow!

Q: Why did the parrot wear a raincoat?

A: Because she wanted to be a Polly unsaturated!

Q: What did the gamekeeper say to the lord of the manor?

A: 'The pheasants are revolting'!

Q: What is the definition of Robin?

A: A bird who steals!

Q: What do you give a sick bird?

A: Tweetment!

Q: What's another name for a clever duck?

A: A wise quacker!

Q: Which bird is always out of breath?

A: A puffin!

Q: What's got six legs and can fly long distances?

A: Three swallows!

Q: How many cans does it take to make a bird?

A: Two cans.

See more: Dumb blonde jokes

Thứ Hai, 17 tháng 10, 2016

Good Old Dad Jokes One Liner

Good Old Dad Jokes One Liner

Dad: I have a very secure job. There’s nobody else who would want it.

Did you hear the joke about the elephant in the elevator? No? Me neither, I took the stairs.

Dad to his son: "I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and dumb."

You: “So, dad, I was thinking…”

Dad: “Ohhhhh and I wondered what that high-pitched grinding sound was!”

Dad: I love my rock-hard, honed six-pack so much I protect it with a good layer of lard."

"We drove past a city cemetery and my dad remarked, “Do you know why I can’t be buried here, boy?”

“Why?”

“Because I’m still alive.”

Stop whining, you will never be the man your mother is."

"Dad you look tired."

"Oh, you mean the dark circles under my eyes? Those are the shadows of my great deeds."

More jokes at: http://www.short-funny.com/dad-jokes.php#ixzz4NKkrsyvd

Thứ Ba, 4 tháng 10, 2016

Really Funny Jokes That Make You Laugh

Dad: Shame on you, Peter.

Why did you hit your little sister?

Peter: Well, Daddy, we were playing Adam and Eve with the apple and all.

Well, instead of tempting me with that apple, she ate the thing herself!

Q: What did Jay-Z call his girlfriend before they got married?

A: Feyoncé!!

I told my dad to embrace his mistakes.

He cried.

Then he hugged my sister & me.

I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.

Daughter: Mom, I’m pregnant!

Mom: I thought I told you when a guy touches your boobs, say don’t, and when he touches you vagina, say stop.

Daughter: But he kept touching both, so it came out,”don’t, stop, don’t, stop.

Never ask for the ‘High Five’ from a short person, you can ask for a ‘Low Five’!

Question: What does Dumbo do after taking a photocopy?

Answer: He compares it with the original document for spelling mistakes!

It was the end of the school year and Joey’s mother asked:

“And were the exam questions difficult?”

“They weren’t bad at all,” her son replied.

“It was the answers that gave me all the trouble.”

Behind every great man is a woman with a hostage.

10)

Q: What did one butt cheek say to the other?

A: Together, we can stop this sh*t.

11)

*boy whispers to his mom during a wedding

* boy: “Mommy?”

mom: “What?” boy: “Why is the girl dressed in white?”

mom: “Because this is the happiest day of her life.”

boy: “… so why is the boy dressed in black?”

12)

How do you keep a man from drowning?

Get his wife/gf off his back.

13)

Fastest mode of communication

– Tell a girl a rumor and take a promise to keep it a secret.

14)

Man: Why are you beating your son-in-law so badly?

He replies: I sent him a message that you have become father but he forwarded this message to his friends!

15)

Boy texts his Girl “Honey, I can’t live without you! When will you come to me?

“Here is the KILLING

Reply -“Who is dying! I lost my saved numbers, kindly tell me your name?”

16)

I thing..Fear Factor would have been much scarier if it had just been people in their twenties trying to figure out how to have careers!

17)

Photographer: My secret of success is? ‘Think negative’!

18)

I have already acted on your memo on saving power in my department by an immediate ban on employee empowerment!

19) My teacher pointed at me with her ruler and said that at the end of this ruler is a dumb.

I got a detention after asking which end!

20) It is better to be late than to arrive ugly!

Chủ Nhật, 28 tháng 8, 2016

Virus Jokes--Really FunnyJokes Of The Day

Virus

No, Windows is not a virus.

Here's what viruses do: They replicate quickly - okay, Windows does that.

Viruses use up valuable system resources, slowing down the system as they do so - okay, Windows does that.

Viruses will, from time to time, trash your hard disk - okay, Windows does that too.

Viruses are usually carried, unknown to the user, along with valuable programs and systems. Sigh... Windows does that, too.

Viruses will occasionally make the user suspect their system is too slow (see 2) and the user will buy new hardware. Yup, that's with Windows, too. Until now it seems

Windows is a virus but there are fundamental differences:

Viruses are well supported by their authors, are running on most systems, their program code is fast, compact and efficient and they tend to become more sophisticated as they mature.

So Windows is not a virus.

Thứ Tư, 17 tháng 8, 2016

Al Gore Jokes--Really Funny Jokes Of The Day

Al Gore

Q: What's the difference between Al Gore and a slab of formica?

A: Absolutely nothing.

Q: Why is Al Gore so commited to protecting the environment?

A: On July 8, 1947, witnesses claim a spaceship with five aliens aboard crashed on a sheep-and-cattle ranch outside Roswell, the next day Al Gore was born....draw your own conclusion.

Q: Did You hear about the Nobel Peace Prize won by Al Gore?

A: In a stunning reversal, the Supreme Court awarded it to George Bush.

Q: Why was Al Gore the best vice president we have ever had?

A: He replaced a guy who couldn't spell 'potato' and was followed by a guy who shot someone in the face.

Q: How fat has Al Gore gotten since his presidential run?

A: So fat that Bill Clinton is thinking of hitting on him!

Q: How does Al Gore get to sleep?

A: He counts ballot papers.

Q: How can you spot Al Gore in a bunch of Secret Service agents?

A: He's the stiff one. Q: What's the difference between Al Gore and Socialism?

A: He uses the phrase Social Entitlements instead.

Q. Why is Al Gore pissed at JFK Jr.?

A. He didn't like him polluting the water.

Q: How dull is Al Gore?

A: His secret service code name is Al Gore!

Q: Why did Al Gore get a nipple ring?

A: He heard that George Bush got a Dick Cheney.

Chủ Nhật, 14 tháng 8, 2016

A Golfer's Nightmare --Really Funny Jokes Of The Day

A Golfer's nightmare

One day Steve and his wife, Sorrell were out playing golf.

Everything was going fairly well for Steve until the 7th hole.

He sliced his tee shot a mile to the right so he and his wife had to go looking for the ball.

Eventually they came across a shed with the door slightly ajar, and surprisingly enough the golf ball was slap bang in the centre of the floor. And so, not wanting to drop a shot, Steve decided to play on instead of taking a penalty by dropping the ball.

Sorrell, noticing that if Steve played a good shot he could get his ball on the green, offered to hold the door open while her husband played the shot.

After a lengthy period of sizing up his shot, Steve hit the ball, but struck his wife in the temple with it. She slumped down dead, instantly.

Another 5 years later, Steve found himself on the same golf course, on the same hole, this time with his friend, Jim.

So, coincidently, Steve's tee shot took the exact same path as it did 5 years ago, and the ball found itself, again, slap bang in the centre of the shed.

As Steve thought seriously what to do with his shot, Jim offered to hold the door of the shed open so he could take his shot.

But with a look of shock on his face, Steve replied instantly, "Hell No!!! The last time I tried that it took me 7 shots to get on the green."

Thứ Năm, 4 tháng 8, 2016

Microsoft Light Bulb--Funny Jokes For Him

Microsoft Light Bulb

Q: How many Bill Gateses does it take to change a light bulb?

A: One. He puts the bulb in and lets the world revolve around him.

Q: How many Microsoft executives does it take to change a light bulb?

A: We can see no need for uninstallation and have therefore made no provision for light bulbs to be removed.

Q: How many Microsoft support staff does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Four. One to ask "What is the registration number of the light bulb?", one to ask "Have you tried rebooting it?", another to ask "Have you tried reinstalling it?" and the last one to say "It must be your hardware because the light bulb in our office works fine..."

Q: How many Microsoft tech support people does it take to change a light bulb?

A: We have an exact copy of the light bulb here and it seems to be working fine. Can you tell me what kind of system you have? Okay. Now exactly how dark is it? Okay, there could be four or five things wrong ... have you tried the light switch?

Q: How many Microsoft technicians does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Three. Two to hold the ladder and one to hammer the bulb into a faucet.

Q: How many Microsoft vice presidents does it take to change a light bulb? A: Eight. One to work the bulb and seven to make sure that Microsoft gets $2 for every light bulb ever changed anywhere in the world.

Q: How many Microsoft testers does it take to change a light bulb?

A: We just determine that the room is dark; we don't actually change the bulb. Since we have a dead-bulb result on file from a previous test, rest assured that Development is working on a bug fix.

Q: How many Microsoft shipping department personnel does it take to change a light bulb?

A: We can change the bulb in seven to ten working days. If you call before 2pm and pay an extra $15, we can get the bulb changed overnight. Don't forget to put your name in the upper right-hand corner of the light bulb box.

Q: How many Microsoft managers does it take to change a light bulb?

A: We've formed a task force to study the problem of why light bulbs burn out, and to determine what, exactly, we as supervisors can do to make the bulbs work smarter, not harder.

Q: How many Windows users does it take to change a light bulb?

A: One. But they'll swear up and down that it was JUST as easy as it would be for a Mac user.

Q: How many Microsoft engineers does it take to change a light bulb?

A: None. Bill Gates will just redefine Darkness(TM) as the new industry standard.

Q: How many Microsoft programmers does it take to change a light bulb?

A: 57; one to write WinGetLightBulbHandle(), one to write WinQueryLightBulbStatus(), one to write.....

Q: How many Apple Newton users does it take to change a light bulb?

A: Foux! There to eat lemons, axe gravy soup.

Chủ Nhật, 31 tháng 7, 2016

Doctor's Orders--Really Funny Jokes

Doctor's Orders

A woman walks into her doctor's office and says,

"Doctor, I need to lose weight fast."

The doctor replies,

"Instead of putting food in your mouth, try putting it up your butt."

Two months later, she comes in and says,

"Doctor, it's a dream come true. I'm half the size I was."

But the doctor notices that she is bouncing up and down. He asks,

"Where did you get this twitch?" The woman replies,

"I don't have a nervous twitch; I'm chewing bubble gum."

Thứ Hai, 18 tháng 7, 2016

Doctor's Office--Really Funny Jokes For You

Doctor's Office

A guy walks into the doctor's office and says,

"Doc, I haven't had a bowel movement in a week!"

The doctor gives him a prescription for a mild laxative and tells him,

"If it doesn't work, let me know."

A week later the guy is back:

"Doc, still no movement!" The doctor says,

"Hmm, guess you need something stronger," and prescribes a powerful laxative.

Still another week later the poor guy is back:

"Doc, STILL nothing!"

The doctor, worried, says,

"We'd better get some more information about you to try to figure out what's going on. What do you do for a living?" "I'm a musician, I play the bagpipes."

The doctor looks up and says,

"Well, that's it! Here's $10.00. Go get something to eat!"

Thứ Ba, 12 tháng 7, 2016

25 Deep Quotes that make you Think--Really Funny Pictures

As the world that has been created is the process of the thinking of people and hence it can only be changed when you change your thinking. If I were to become tree instead of human being then I would have no reasons to love human beings. There are times when your light shines very brightly which results in blinding people so that they can’t see who you really are. I wish to be like water so that I can slip through the fingers but hold the ship up. I don’t know how to think less and if you know then please teach me. We are unable to create life but we can easily create death. Lies can hurt people but imagination can make life more fun. If the thoughts are very deeper than it can become taller with each passing day. A big man can laugh easily but it requires bigger men who can laugh at himself.